In this classroom, we do not allow bottles or pacifiers at all. Children who are moving from our Infant/Toddler program (West Sac Campus, only) will have already begun to adjust to these changes, but new parents should prepare for these limitations. This is a busy, busy class. It is holds the same components as the older classes: Circle Time, Focus Time, Indoor and Outdoor Social Play and Music Time…but the time span expectations are a little shorter for the younger preschool child. Children will move to the next class, not based on age but on developmental readiness. The same reasoning may retain a child in the Transitioning Preschool Classroom.

Tuition is marginally higher in this class group to accommodate the lower ratio and to offset our costs for high quality disposable diapers and wipes, not Pull Ups. (We are not equipped to use cloth diapers.)

At Enlightened Play Preschools, we do our best to help parents who are teetering in the world of “Independent Toileting” to understand this process.

Uniqueness

First, we must all acknowledge that each child is different. When it comes to toileting independently, that could mean a 12-15 month difference, from child to child.

Parents must understand that your child’s interest in the toilet or desire may be way ahead of their ability. After all, your child is interested in many things that they are not capable of doing; from driving the car to carrying a heavy, glass bowl! 

Physically your child must hold and release both urinary and bowel muscles. These don’t always develop at the same time (although there are a few parents out there cheering, because their little one did!) but some children can ‘hold’ before they can ‘let go’ or more likely, ‘let go’ before they can ‘hold’. So, it’s a waiting game. But waiting is part of your plan for success.

Then, when the waiting game has been assessed and you are fairly certain that all the brain synapses have connected with the muscles that do-what-they-do, then it’s time to assess if your child can: manage their clothing, their environment and verbalize their need to leave your presence. If a child of 2 years can: hold it, let it go and move their clothes…but he is in a playpen… that could be a real detriment to development. (Most children toilet independently between years 2 and 3).

Next Steps

So now, the stars are aligned and everything is in place for your child’s success. It’s the time to start Independent Toileting. Give you and your child, as well as any support people your plan. This should be about 3 days of commitment and practice. Really! Just 3 days. BUT it’s a 24 hour commitment. Just like going on a diet, or breaking any habit, it must be 24 hours a day. What good would healthy eating do if after bedtime you could eat all the chocolate cake you wanted?

Dedication

Toileting Independently will require practice and some dedication from you, and the entire parenting team. If Grandma wants to dote on your child, cut Grandma out of this 3 day event. Really. You need 100% support.

In an effort to make it easier, I caution you to resist adding new layers of transition for your child. What does that mean? Don’t add a potty chair. Don’t add a toilet seat insert, etc. The world is not full of potty chairs, it has toilets. Your child’s bottom is little and some toilets are big. Your child can hop up on the back of the sofa, on a swing at the park…they will learn to hop up the toilet. They will have to learn to hold themselves up with their little arms and balance. It’s okay. They won’t be flushed down. The worst thing that could happen is her bottom could get wet. (And it’s already getting wet in their diaper).

A Child’s Clock

If parents or caregivers tell children when to go, they are taking the step of judgement away from the child. Each child must learn their own body and the judgement of when to leave a fun activity and go to the less fun toilet. This is why we, at Enlightened Play are aware a child is working on learning these new skills, but are not “marching them into the bathroom on our schedule”. We may even encourage at times, “We’re going outside, see if you need to go potty.” 

How Do We Integrate at School

This is why at Enlightened Play Preschools we wait for parents to have that 3 day success and then let us know you have had a successful 3 day toileting experience. Yes we wait for you. We tell parents to bring at least 3 full changes of clothes and get ready to be your support. We are ready then for helping your child use good judgement and be comfortable in an environment bigger than most homes and shared by other children. 

100% 24 Hours All the Time

Make toileting an adventure. See all the toilets everywhere you go. All the different ways to flush. Different toilets, seats, seat covers and even toilet paper rolls! This will also ensure your child doesn’t shut down in public. Remember that we are models. Model to your child, “Oh I’m going potty before we get in the car.” “Oh, it’s almost bedtime I’m going potty.”

• 24 hours: at nighttime, at the restaurant, on a long car ride….24 hours. All the time. Set your child up for success. 

• Avoid too much liquid before bedtime, but that’s not all. 

• If you are giving your child a bottle – stop it. 

• If they constantly have a sippy cup – stop it. 

• They do not need it and will rehydrate at the next interval. Adults cut back on liquids or we know the consequences. 

At night time, give him/her a choice between panties/underwear or nothing at all. This will help your child feel more in control. Place a sturdy towel under their bedsheet and another on the table next to his/her bed. Place a nightlight in the bathroom with a change of pajamas. Walk your child through this whole process AS IF they may have an accident, but one they are capable of handling. Just having this back up plan is very helpful.  Being comforted that, “you know they can do it, you’re not going to be mad” relieves the pressure and it’s less likely they will be too nervous to get up to potty. (If your child is in your bed, it’s time to re-think this for many reasons.)

Success, Either Way

Avoid making toileting a BIG deal like “you’re going to be a big kid like Sally” or “I will be so proud of you when…”

Introduce toileting in a very matter of fact way. “Let’s try the toilet, this weekend and wear panties/underwear. Let’s try pottying in the toilet like Mom/Dad.” (Avoid asking your child, do you want to?)

After a day or so, you should know if you assessed incorrectly. If he/she is NOT ready, you’ll know. Not being ready can be emotional, too. He/she is just not ready. Then back it up, no big deal and wait it out. If you have not implied disappointment or anything derogatory, it’s easier to un-ring the bell. “Okay, we’ll wait until it is easier for you.”

Revealing your Issues

It might not be easy for you, the parents. It might be hard to allow him or her to have an accident on your beloved carpet, or in front of friends. It might inconvenience you on the weekend. Think of the car seat, changing sheets at night, or sleeping in your bed….Yikes! That’s why YOU must commit, in advance.

Pull-ups Do Not Work for Independent Toileting

Any type of diaper that absorbs is for keeping our babies dry. But for toileting, they are not your friend. Natural consequences are your friend. Feeling the wetness, the stickiness, the feeling of their bodies will help your child toilet independently when they CAN. Children must feel the wet to actually connect the sense of needing to go and the feeling of going. That’s why it’s “Which underwear do you want to wear?” Not, “do you want to wear underpants?” And this means ALL the time. If your child tends to hide in a corner when pooping, that makes sense. This is really a step closer to privacy in the bathroom. I encourage you to embrace the choice of underpants or no underpants so your child will seek out the toilet.

The Body Details

Children must be taught all the nuances of how to toilet BY THEMSELVES. (It’s like the familiar give them a fish or teach them to fish parable.) You the parent, need to teach your boy to lift the lid, or wipe it if he forgets. You the parent, need to teach your little girl to wipe from the back. All children need to understand how much toilet paper to use and how to “check” to see if they need to wipe again. Flush, then maybe flush again. This is really important. Children come to preschool, many times, expecting a teacher to thoroughly wipe their bottom just like when they were in diapers.

But they need to be responsible for trying to wipe and asking for help if they have not been able to. 

Nobody’s Perfect

Accidents occur even if your child has been very successful. Why? Because in a busy and active world, toileting independently requires judgement. Judgement of time, the child’s ability to control their own body and the environment they are in. 

Advice: Carry many changes of clothes. Don’t fret. And make changing their clothes your child’s job. Changing is hard work, which makes ‘going on the potty’ less time consuming and easier, a logical consequence. You want to engage that logical consequence.

Changing your Plan

Okay, you tried. She tried. He tried. It didn’t work. You will know. Too many accidents. Too much resistance. He wasn’t as ready as you thought. That’s ok. Remember you haven’t made it about “being a big boy”. You’re now able to say, “That’s ok. You will do it another time”. We’ll wait until next month. No pressure and no failure.

Keep your Head up!

Your child will be toileting independently. Someday soon. It will seem like a million years that you struggled with this issue…and then it will be gone in the blink of an eye. You may even look back and wish it was this easy, again.